June 21, 2012

Tough times at the Carpenter household

Today, it really hit me. Molly will have to wear a patch every day, all day, until they can operate and remove the lens of her eye and implant another. That could take years. I thought I was dealing with it rather well until Michael came home for lunch, at which point I started sobbing. Just looking at my child struggling to see with one eye makes my heart literally hurt. Although I have already noticed that she is getting better with her depth perception using one eye, she still is having a hard time with it. She does not let me go very far from her. I know she feels unsure and she wants me to make her feel secure.

I have been reading with her to encourage her to use the eye more. We also try to get her to concentrate on small things to exercise the eye as well, like buckling a seatbelt or fitting shapes into holes. I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. This is unfamiliar territory and for the first time since I brought her home from the hospital, I feel inadequate as a mother. I'm worried about taking her out in public because I don't want anyone to stare at her or ask me "What happened to her eye?"

One of the most difficult things about patching is that a 2 year old does not want to keep one on. Yesterday, she kept the same patch on the whole day, but this morning, she has already gone through 4 patches. It is so hard to make her put another one on when she seems so happy to get one off. I just have to focus on the future benefits of it to stay sane.

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