October 9, 2013

Halloween Treats: White Chocolate Dipped Pretzel Sticks

Halloween Treats: White Chocolate Dipped Pretzel Sticks

All I really had to do was post these pictures of pretzels, white chocolate, and sprinkles. You would've known exactly what I was planning on making with them, how great they probably taste, and how spectacularly spooky they look when finished, just by looking at the above pictures.

But the problem with the above pictures is that I don't get any say in the matter. You're left wondering how one goes from 3 separate ingredients to a delicious culinary marvel like white chocolate pretzel sticks. Lucky for you, I love explaining things, except to police, and I'm going to give you the old step-by-step (play by play).

1. First, melt your white chocolate. By the way--and this is going to make you really upset, I can tell--it's not actually white chocolate. It's vanilla flavored candy coating. Bummer, right? Yes. But it tastes fine and looks like white chocolate, so if you ignore this paragraph, you can go on fooling yourself and believe it's white chocolate after all.

Melt it on the stove top over medium heat, stirring often, or microwave it. If you're using the whole block of candy coating--umm, I mean white chocolate--it's 90 seconds, then stir and reheat in 15 second intervals until it's melted. Use less time for less chocolate.

2. Now, dip your pretzel sticks into the coating, using a spatula or spoon to cover the stick in white chocolate (or white chocolate impostor coating). I left a little of the end uncovered for easy handling. Lay the covered pretzels on waxed paper.

Now that you've got white chocolate covered pretzels, you could stop here. It wouldn't be a bad place to quit, really. The pretzels will taste great, you've had a long day, and honestly, you might feel that taking another step to complete these Halloween treats is pointless and a waste                                                       of your time.

But, on second thought, adding sugary-sweet Halloween sprinkles to the pretzels will make them look festive and like you worked really hard. Also, you bought those sprinkles last month and have yet to use them. No, eating them out of your hand does not count as using them.

3. Sprinkle the pretzels with sprinkles before they harden.

And that's it.

Go show them off and impress your family and friends, unless you have anything better to impress them with. I know I didn't.

October 2, 2013

Bunches and Clumps: A Philosophy of Good and Bad Fortune

          One thing I've learned about life so far: good things tend to come in bunches (bananas, grapes, and Honey Bunches of Oats come to mind).

It's not as a great as it sounds; it also means that bad things tend to come in clumps (like litter in a litter box, or Eddie Murphy's weird collection of characters from The Nutty Professor). However, I am thrilled to say that this week, good things are coming in bunches. Good things, like:

My daughter successfully completed potty training! Even though all we're really doing is exchanging diaper changes for loud calls of "Mama, I have to poop!" in every public place imaginable, it's still a good thing.

Three new publications (The Cleveland Daily Banner, The Claremore Daily Progress, and The Pryor Daily Times) have decided to run my weekly column! Granted, these decisions came after I badgered editors and publishers with samples of my work and attempts to be professional-yet-hilarious, but it's still a good thing.

I had my first article published on Yahoo Voices! I wrote about a Halloween costume contest I entered (and won!) with the sparkly-est, pinkest, most midriff-baring Cher costume you have ever seen (check out the article HERE-opens a new window). I may have embarrassed myself and Cher with the article, but it's still a good thing.

I won't mention that I somehow broke the bathtub faucet, got snubbed by a 4 year old at the park, and ate far more calories than I burned this week, because that would just be depressing. Litter-box-clump depressing.

          Hope you're all having a week that is comparable to mine greatness-wise. And if you're not, take solace in the fact that next week, the tables will turn and Old Fortuna will smile on you once again. Probably.

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