July 24, 2012

Psychosis-inducing, medication-requiring, awe-inspiring, crazy life

Okay, it's happened. The world (however weird and small) of mom bloggers has sucked me in. There are so many types of mom bloggers--the funny, the thoughtful, the patient, the crafty, the chefs, the mothers of multiples. I have noticed one underlying element in most mom blogs, though, and these moms really need to be a little more creative: 90% of the blogs I read by mothers had a subtitle that promised how "crazy" their life is. Examples (these are actually from blogs that I read today, emphasis added by me):
"Adventures of me and my crazy family in Colorado"
"Writing about taking care of 3 crazy kids"
"The craziness of life with a husband, an ex-husband, and a kid under one roof"
"My crazy  life, as told by me"
"Things often get a little crazy in my household...beware!"

Seriously, it is tiring, because what are the odds of ALL of these moms living "crazy" lives? Sure, I understand that life with a little one can be described as crazy at times. Particularly when you are trying to just take one peaceful shower and your 2 year old is standing in the doorway, yelling "Why you take a baff (bath)?!? I WANT BAFF" and your husband is simultaneously dressed in full camo gear, holding his new Mossberg rifle, ready to go out in the yard and "control the European Starling population", so can't you just forget your own happiness and sanity for one minute and give Molly a bath?

Whew, sorry, I got a little caught up in that one.

Maybe my original point wasn't that good, after all. I guess life with a child is pretty crazy. But I still think they could be a little more creative and use a different word, like "psychosis-inducing" (yes, I know, 2 words), or "medication-requiring" (dang it, 2 words again). In fact, speaking of medication-requiring, as I sit here and attempt to write this post, my daughter is sitting on my computer desk, literally screaming "No, no, no" over and over.
I couldn't tell you, friend, because I do not know why. I do not know why she feels it necessary to eat only half of each baby carrot, or rub the watermelon on the suede sofa. I am clueless as to why she is compelled to hold my cheek with both hands as she falls asleep (okay, that one is pretty cute) or why she thinks the phrase "Wanna go swimmin'?" will get her out of trouble (okay, sometimes it works).

I figure kids are little bit like God, in that we aren't meant to understand them. Also, they have a habit of being omniscient (all-knowing). Or at least thinking they are.

You know, a lot of people ask me when Mikey and I are going to have another baby (Remember the pervert from The Big, Fat Pervert and the Teeny Weeny Bikini?), and always seem shocked when I tell them we are done with our child-bearing.
 "You're only 21! You will change your mind."
 ...wow, even though I just met you at the grocery store, you seem to know me really well! ...Not.

"Oh, you don't want Molly to be an only child, do you?"
...Yes, I want her to be the only one I have to give my love to and spoil. I don't think she will mind.

"I was an only child, and it ruined my life. Molly needs a sibling."
...Sorry to hear about your life. Also, thanks for telling me what my child needs. I was totally unaware of her needs, as I am only her mother. I was an only child for 12 years, and I turned out alright. In fact, I'm keeping the 1-child tradition alive! Go me!

"You'll want another one later, and by then, it'll be too late. You need to go ahead and have another now."
...This doesn't even deserve a response. *Walk away*

"Once you have another baby, Molly will be old enough to help you take care of it!"
...Oh, YEAH! Molly, you hear that? No fun childhood games for you, darling! You're going to help Mommy take care of a brand-new baby that she didn't really even want! Oh, what's that? That's called spit-up, Molly. Now be a sweetie, forget about your homework, and go get me a wash cloth.

Just to clarify, I've got nothing against moms of multiples. In fact, I've got nothing but respect for them. I'm just being honest and letting everyone know that I do not see myself as being one of them in the near future. Although Molly would be really cute in one of those Big Sister shirts...

By the way, I've joined a new blog networking site. This could help me get tons of new readers and followers. I know there a lot of you that read every new post, so why not subscribe to my posts and get a notification every time a new one comes out? Just click the "Follow Me" button on the right side of the screen in the Networked Blogs box to subscribe! I love seeing new followers, and you want to subscribe, so you can kill 2 birds with one ...erm, click!

Have a great day, weirdos! Oh, sorry, I am the weirdo. Anyway.

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