July 12, 2012

I dream of...crossbows and washing machines

Last night, I had this incredibly weird dream. I know, you don't care. But, here we go:

I was in a mansion with about 200 other people my age, mostly those that I went to school with. It was like some slumber party for 21 year olds. We all started exploring the house, and there were tons of books along almost every wall. I remember thinking it was more like a bookstore or library than a home. As I started moving books around on the shelf, I found a Bowie knife. I put it in my backpack (why was I even carrying
a backpack..?) and kept looking.

My cousin walked into the room with a crossbow. She was pointing it in all directions, asking me "What is this?" I took the bow for safekeeping (lol) and other people started walking in with all these weapons. There were AK-47s, Mini-14s, Uzis, knives and machetes, grenades, and one guy even had a rocket launcher. Mental note: stick with that guy. We were so stoked by our armory finds that we didn't even question why they were all in this house, hidden around.

I noticed a big, much older black man was now in the room with us. He had a really calm presence and we all trusted him. He told us he had an important message for us that would change our lives. We sat down around him and he read us a note. It said something along the lines of:

Humans are an inferior, unintelligent race. The entire race will be annihilated soon. Only those who are surrounded by books, which we consider the only evidence of intelligent life on Earth, will be given a chance to defend themselves. We have hidden weapons for this defense in areas with many books. We encourage any human who wishes to be saved to arm themselves for our arrival.

The man told us that the note was written by an alien race that had visited him. I know, we should have assumed he was crazy, but we all believed every word. Suddenly my crossbow seemed important. There weren't enough weapons for everyone. Some were stuck with only knives. And the atmosphere in the house changed--now everyone was on the defensive, afraid someone else would try to take their weapon.

I saw a small hovercraft coming toward the house through a window and tried to hide in the washing machine. That was really smart of me. In my defense, I was trapped in the room because I had locked myself in and there was nowhere else to hide. The hovercraft came into the house and I knew I could easily be seen, sticking halfway out of the washing machine. They would surely consider me Unintelligent Life and immediately kill me. I didn't really see how my crossbow would help me when the aggressor was in a metal machine, flying around.

So, of course, that's when I woke up.

I do want to apologize for making you read that, and I know it doesn't really make sense. But it really scared me while I was dreaming about it. Isn't it funny how fear doesn't translate well? I literally woke up in a sweat over this dream, and now it sounds funny to write it out.

In other news, I have been on a deep-cleaning spree for a few days now. I think Michael may have dosed me with some sort of amphetamine, because I'm like a machine. I've washed 6 loads of clothes in 2 days, rearranged the living room twice, swept and vacuumed every conceivable surface, and put away all our winter clothes so our closet isn't so packed.

If anyone who reads has a dresser they want to get rid of, we really need it. We have more clothes than can fit in our dressers and closet, so after I do laundry, I end up with lots of piles of neatly folded clean clothes that are soon mistaken by my husband as piles of neatly folded dirty clothes, which are then thrown on the floor and rewashed. What a waste. Text me at 615.517.1170 if you know of one for cheap or free! Speaking of free, I'm addicted to the Free section on Craigslist and the site Freecycle.

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