September 26, 2012

Smithville Review Mother, Interrupted column #2: "Tips from Toddlers"

The past week, my 2 year old daughter has impressed me with her observations and ability to remember things. It’s made me realize that toddlers are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for. My daughter can tell us, from the backseat, when we are almost home. This doesn’t really help when we are lost in Nashville, but it’s impressive. She can count to 11 and knows her ABCs. When she counts her fingers, she skips around, but somehow always ends up with 5. Her ingenuity got me thinking. What would happen if toddlers could give each other advice? Maybe it’s a good thing it’s hard for them to be totally understood by other toddlers. Think about the tips they would have for each other. I think it would make parents’ lives a little bit harder…

What’s the best method of reaching that candy bar on the counter?
Using a stick to push it, along with everything else on the counter, to the floor.

Does this slice of bologna work the same as a game in the Playstation?
Of course. Stick it in the disk slot, and leave it there for Mom and Dad to find.

Is it safe to climb tall furniture?
Usually. Make sure the adults aren’t looking, and be very quiet.

My mom is busy doing school work. How can I stop this?
Get so close to her face that she can’t see the book/computer. Refuse to move.

My parents just bought me a new toy. What should I do next?
Forget the toy. Play with the box.

I don’t want this orange juice anymore. Where should I throw it?
It doesn’t matter, as long as you throw it.

What is the big deal about eating crayons?
No big deal. Relax, they’re non-toxic. Parents just don’t like it when your diaper is filled with red, blue, and yellow.

Why does my mom dress me in 5 layers when it’s 70 degrees outside?
Because she thinks you could “catch a cold.” I don’t know what this is, or how fast you’d have to run to catch it, but according to adults, it’s not good.

When it’s very quiet at a wedding or during church, how should I let my parents know I have to use the bathroom?
That’s easy. Yell whatever you need to do in the bathroom as loud as you can. When everyone turns to look at you, it’s because they think you’re cute. Trust me.

So let’s all take a moment to be thankful that “Stop it, that’s MY block!” is the extent of our toddlers’ conversations with each other, unless they have siblings.

Can you imagine the destruction that would happen if adults gave each other advice? Oh, wait…

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